Nobody Invites Jason Giambi to Orgies Anymore

"I'm appalled," Padres owner John Moores says. "I am loath to criticize some of my fellow geniuses, and not all of the clubs participated in the orgy. I guess some of these guys got that ESPN Radio money and lost their minds. It's amazing to me how some owners and players think the players actually get better during the offseason. Some of these guys are lucky to be playing baseball, let alone signing million-dollar contracts. Some of these players who signed long-term deals are going to be out of baseball when they get their last paycheck."